Just the other day I blogged about Chicken Poop lip moisturizer. Not more than 24 hours later I came across Alligator Poo hard candies.

I guess we’re gonna have to update our list of client briefing questions. “Are there any words or ideas you would like us to definitely explore (e.g. Poo, poop, poopies, poopsies, etc.)?”

This is just one of the reasons why we’re such an outstanding naming agency - we’re amazingly attuned to emerging trends in the industry. Prediction: 2008 will be the year of the Poo. You watch.

I think that’s all the poo talk I have for today.

According to my bio I’m a magazine junkie with a predilection for high fashion. It’s true - I love magazines, especially my wife’s fashion mags (yeah, I’ll admit it). Flipping through her recent edition of People Style Watch I noticed this curious new brand name for a lip moisturizer: Chicken Poop. That’s right - CHICKEN POOP. As intended, I was a bit taken aback. Perhaps even a little outraged. Yeah, I guess I *was* outraged because my hands were up in the air, I was talking to myself about it and I’m sure I was making some pretty ugly faces. “What are they THINKING?! Chicken Poop??!! For a MOISTURIZER??? For ANYTHING??? This IS an outrage. It’s inflammatory! I’ve got write to someone. But who?? The FDA??? Nah. My congressman?? Yeah, right. Maybe I’ll just blog about it. Who else is gonna listen?”. So you’re all I’ve got. Thanks for being there for me.

Let’s face it - as namers we’re simply unable to evaluate a name without thinking about all the conceivable associations, the potential linguistic and cultural issues, the name length and construction, how easily it’s pronounced, its appropriateness for the product, and about a 100 other naming measurements. It’s like our DNA became altered 15 years ago when we got involved in brand name development. It’s now physically impossible for us to just DIGEST A NAME. We’ve gotta really chew it up, super fine, to a paste, before sending it down our gullets. Which is fine, and to be expected I suppose; we love what we do. But sometimes you just wanna read a name as anyone else would. As any consumer would. So here goes. Chicken Poop as evaluated by Mark Skoultchi, general consumer and magazine thief:

Holy Crap!! CHICKEN POOP??!! For a MOISTURIZER??!! Why would I want to smear chicken poop on my lips??? That’s absurd. What are they thinking? Idiots. Ohhhhh, wait. It’s probably not *really* made with chicken poop, is it?. No, I bet it’s not. This is some sort of marketing gimmick, isn’t it? Yeah, that’s it. There’s some other reason why they’re calling it Chicken Poop. Probably just wanna get my attention, be a little diiiiffrent. Probably not one turd in the whole recipe. But still, Chicken Poop?? For a lip moisturizer?? Whatever the story, do I really wanna be a part of it?? Hmmm. I’m not sure. Probably not. Maybe just a stick, to see how how it works. Maybe more, I don’t know. It’s funny. My friends will laugh. Certainly something to talk about. But long term?? I don’t know. It’s kind of a joke. Can’t imagine myself ever taking it seriously. And while Kiehl’s is a whole lot harder to spell, it works really well and I’ve always liked that brand. Guess I’ll just have to see.

So there you have it folks. Straight from the general consumer’s mouth. Sounds like he’s intrigued, but I’m not sure he’s gonna develop a real loyalty to that brand. Granted - he’s just an audience of one, but my guess is that Chicken Poop never displaces any of the heavy lippers in the category. That’s not to say it won’t make Jamie Tabor Schmidt (owner) a lot of money (and by the way, Jamie, I do love tongue-in-cheek marketing, including your “Simone Chickenbone, Natural Put-Ons” slogan, as you call it), but I do wonder how much traction the brand will have over time. And perhaps that’s just fine with Jamie. As she indicates on her website, www.ilovechickenpoop.com, she has 7 new products in the making. I’m sure the new brand names will be similarly provocative. Turkey Flem Hair Paste anyone??

Saw a commercial for this contraceptive the other night. Actually really like the name. Marketed by Berlex Labs, Yaz is sort of a follow-up to the company’s already successful Yasmin oral contraceptive. I think Yaz has less estrogen in it than Yasmin, and Berlex claims it can treat emotional and physical premenstrual symptoms, and even improve moderate acne! Nice. Improve your skin - Improve your sex life – Time to protect yourself! Well done guys.

So the brand name. Yeah, I like it. Especially for a pharmaceutical brand name. It seems at least some of the branding folk in women’s healthcare kinda “get it”. Yasmin, Seasonale, Alesse, Mircette, Cyclessa – all relatively appealing brand names. And now Yaz, which, in my opinion, raises the bar even higher. For starters, how many pharmaceutical brand names have only three letters? And how many are as easily pronounced as “Yaz”?? I also love that the brand name has energy, emotion and personality, which is very consistent with the product’s marketing. Heck, I’m screaming the name and I don’t even see an exclamation point next to it! Lastly, it smartly alludes to “Yasmin”, and implies a relationship between the two products and the company that develops them. A shorter name for a lower estrogen product with the same progestin (drsp, or drospirenone). Makes at least some sense to this naming consultant.

So I like the name. I just wish they would have put a little more thought and consideration into the COPY. My goodness people, who’s doing your writing for you?? Having just touted the brand name I have no qualms about including the following piece of dreck pulled from the Yaz website:

One of the great things about being a woman is that you’ve got so many options, and the power to make your own decisions about them. You decide who you’ll hang out with, how you’ll spend your free time, what job you’ll take. This includes birth control options, too.

Huh? When did women get the power to make their own decisions?? Is someone pulling my leg?? And wait, don’t I, as a man, also have that right? Did I lose that right?? I’m pretty sure I can still hang out with who I want, though I’ll admit my kids pretty much do monopolize my free time, so I guess I don’t have much choice there. But still, I’m pretty sure the right to make your own decisions is a right shared by both men and women. Nothing exclusive about that right, RIGHT?

So good name guys! Poor copy, but good name!!

The business across the street from my office goes by the name “Drastic Changes”. I’m torn. On the one hand, the naming consultant in me sees the name and says, “Ouch.” It’s a hair salon, not a psychotherapy office. Naming companies are supposed to help folks avoid mistakes like that. Of course, most hair salons don’t often engage naming companies to create the perfect name.
On the other hand, the handbook of corporate branding says to be distinctive: “Differentiate or die!” (Again, it’s not like most hair salons are reading the latest corporate branding handbooks before they launch.)
Which is more important: a company name that stands out or a company name that has only positive connotations?

That’s what I’m asking myself, after hearing about the new “Nazi collection” of bedspreads being offered in India by home furnishings entrepreneur Kapil Kumar Todi. Todi claims the name Nazi “just came to him” and is meant to be an acronym for “New Arrival Zone of India” (whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean). Todi’s even emblazoning a swastika alongside his new brand name (talk about a logo with emotional associations). Now it’s true the ancient swastika was an Indian symbol long before the Nazis usurped it. In fact the word swastika comes from the Sanskrit “svástika.” But to pair it with the brand name “Nazi,” however “innocently” . . . well, you don’t need a team of naming specialists to do better than that.

Following my recent post about televisiphonernetting, Maria forwarded me the following blog post. It appears that Goodby and Perfect Fools are the ones responsible for my new favorite term. They’ve also created a fun, interactive flash experience called TripleSlanguage It turns out televisiphonernetting is only one of many cute and clunky coined names in the new Comcast advertising campaign. My favorite part of the site is the television ads at the end. I especially like the quizjacking tv ad (mostly because I’ve been known to quizjack on occasion!).

Nice job Goodby and Perfect Fools. You’ve given this namer a bunch of fun new terms to play with.

This morning, I heard on NPR that Mattel had announced yet another toy recall, and even though the size of the recall relatively small, I think they deserve a lot of credit for their proactive and upfront approach to this problem. The topic has caught the attention of Harvard Business School professor John Quelch in a recent HBS blog entry.

Of course in the public eye, their actions are likely to hurt them in the short term (especially with the holiday season around the corner). Nevertheless, I think the competition is sitting on a time bomb by not matching Mattel’s vigor in hunting down poor quality control. Time will tell whether Mattel’s brand will come out on top.  I can’t help but remember the Tylenol/J&J case, and how aggressive the CEO was in handling that scare. That brand survived the immediate hit and still lives on as a trusted, even revered brand. I suspect that Mattel will, eventually, end up on top as a result of their actions.

Did anyone else catch Stuart Elliott’s piece in yesterday’s NYT on TIAA-CREF promoting their .org status as a differentiator? I guess now that saying “.com” is assumed, those people with something else to say might as well try to capture the moment. We naming consultants were not so impressed.

They overlooked the fact that .org is not strictly regulated to include only not-for-profit companies. Unlike the .edu suffix, which is carefully monitored to ensure that only secondary, accredited schools can register domains using the suffix, .org is open to anyone. In fact, many companies register the .com AND the .org (including TIAA-CREF) whether they are for-profit or not, merely as a defense against someone else registering the domain for some other use.

I think it would be a great step forward for the powers that be to consider limiting .org registrations to non-profits (the same way the .edu domain names are regulated). TIAA-CREF’s strategy would be more defensible, and more radical, in that context. And the rest of the non-profit community would find name development much easier.

I heard an ad on the radio yesterday for AM/PM mini-mart. The purpose of the spot was to push junk food in mass quantity. Super-sized sugar drinks with extra-large bags of cholesterol and carbohydrate bombs. And it was all summed up by their new tag-line: Too much good stuff. Puh-leeze.

Did the folks at AM/PM miss the memo? Obesity is the new plague. Diabetes the new pox. It’s one thing to sell the food — all convenience stores do that, and will likely continue to do that until every one of their customers drops dead. But the tag-line is just plain dumb. It calls attention to the problem, and then gives it the snub.

The folks at AM/PM don’t need a tag-line that suggests they are doing the world a favor by selling this junk, but I think they could have done better than this. I know a great naming company that would love to help…

In what should go down as one of the most ridiculous law suits in baseball history, the City of Anaheim today lost its complaint against Art Moreno, owner of the Anaheim Angels (sic). I, for one, am both surprised and disappointed by the verdict.

In the spirit of full disclosure, let’s be clear that I am not, have never been, and will never be a fan of the Angels. I could say the same about Anaheim, but it is possible that I could learn to love the city. I could never learn to love the team.

Nevertheless, what gets me is how a team can get away with claiming to be from another city. This is so shallow, so overtly image-based, it could only be SoCal. Totally dude, except, like, don’t the New York Jets play in New Jersey? Ok, ok. Others have clearly pushed this envelop before. Foxboro is so far from Boston, I’m not sure it still qualifies as New England. And don’t get me started on Auburn Hills, home to the “Detroit” Pistons.

Where does this leave those of us who are loyal to their “local” teams? A few fun suggestions for other professional teams in search of more “national attention” (read: “TV revenue”):

The Los Angeles Padres (San Diego is close enough)
The Tri-State Jets (or maybe they should have to play at Shea)
The Tri-State Giants (or maybe they should have to play at Yankee Stadium)
The Oakland Raiders of Los Angeles (it could happen)
The Los Angeles Raiders of Oakland (also could happen)
The Lost Angeles Seahawks (I *know* they have seahawks in LA, and it is probably faster to fly to LA from Seattle than to drive to Anaheim from LA)
and my personal favorite …
“&” (formerly known as the Anaheim Angels)

All this nonsense makes me as proud as ever to root for my hometown OAKLAND A’s. Small market and all, it just works for me.